Frankie & Johnny: A Love Affair for the Ages
by aliccolo
Summary: Frank Castle meets Johnny Storm. They fall in love. Fanfiction cliches ensue.
1. Chapter the First

"Frankie & Johnny: A Love Affair for the Ages" 1?  
by aliccolo Pairing: Johnny Storm/Frank Castle Rating: PG-13 Archive: Seriously? Yes. If you think it's good enough. I would be so happy. Just let me know if you want to, and if so, where. Notes: This is the crackiest crack ever to have been crackified. Dedicated to and inspired by geekpenguin, old_blueeyes, & thundercrap.  
Synopsis: Frank Castle meets Johnny Storm. They fall in love. Fanfiction cliches ensue.

One day Johnny Storm was sitting on a park bench, staring sadly at the squirrels as they squeaked and happily played with their nuts. The world was a horrible place, and Johnny Storm was very miserable. His latest girlfriend, Juanita, had just dumped him in order to become a Buddhist monk, and this made Johnny really sad. So he sat on the park bench and watched the squirrels, and generally cursed his crappy love life.

Across the park, Frank Castle was busy killing some mafia guys, exploding their brains across the pavement, leaving pretty patterns of blood and cerebellum in his wake. It was a fine night for killing, the sun had just set and the city was settling down. It was such a fine night that Frank had almost forgotten his poor dead Maria, and little Lisa and Frank, Jr. That was until he caught a glimpse of the happy squirrel family, chattering at each other.

"We used to be like those squirrels, so happy, so carefree," Frank said, to no one in particular, holstering his weapon with a sad sigh. "Now look at me. Forgive me Maria!"

This caught Johnny's attention, and he looked up from the rodents, nearly leaping off the bench when he saw the famed murderer before him. Frank Castle had quite the reputation, he was a serial killer and a very dangerous man, totally bad news. But Johnny always had a thing for danger...

"Are you talking to me?"

Frank growled, drawing his weapon again, aiming it at the intruding soliloquy usurper. "Is your name Maria, you dumb little shit?"

"No. I'm Johnny, Johnny Storm," the dumb little shit answered boldly, flinching very slightly as he eyed the gun. "You know, the Human Torch."

Frank did know, he recognized him from the TV and newspaper reports. Kid looked better in person, downright delicious in fact, with his big blue eyes and his sunny smile. He reminded Frank of Maria in a way. Like a slightly masculine version of his wife..."Yeah, I know you. But do you know me?"

"Sure do! You're the Punisher! You murder bad guys!" Johnny nodded, daring to stand up. "Gosh, Sue would be so mad if she knew I was talking to you..."

"Don't wanna get you in trouble," Frank said gruffly, putting his gun away, turning his back on Johnny. He had no issue with Storm. The kid was a hero, a real live hero, like Frank had been once, before the system let him down and he became a fugitive. "Go on home, boy. Get back to your sister. There's danger in the park."

Johnny snorted. He liked danger, and he could take whatever the park could throw his way! "I'm not afraid! I've faced down villains plenty of times. What danger could the park possibly hold?"

It was as if the park had heard his boasting though and wanted to give Johnny his comeuppance. Before either he or Frank could react, Johnny was suddenly attacked by six dozen squirrels!

His screams of terror shattered the peaceful night. He flailed helplessly for a moment before remembering to flame on, engulfing himself and the rodents instantly. Unfortunately though, they were left with six dozen angry squirrels who were now on fire! That's when they turned their attention to Frank!

"Oh my God! The squirrels are attacking me! And they're on fire!" Frank cried, swatting at them, trying to pluck their filthy little claws out of his flesh.

"I'll save you!" Johnny shouted. He used his powers then to combust the animals into little piles of ash.

Frank was a scratchy, bloody mess, now covered with squirrel ashes as well, panting, trying to brush the residue from his body. "Thank you. You saved my life. How can I ever repay you?"

Johnny thought it over for a minute before grinning gleefully, "Buy me dinner!"  
And thus began the most unlikely friendship of all. 


	2. Chapter the Second

Six months had past since that fateful day in the park when Frank met Johnny and the world became beautiful and new. He couldn't quite explain how it had happened, or really quite why. There was just something about the way Johnny's eyes sparkled when he laughed, how the sun seemed to kiss his skin and never leave a freckle, how even when he was tired and sore from a day of saving the world, he could brush it all off in order to lie down next the the Punisher, lie beneath him and make him feel like the king of the world. For the first time since Maria breathed her last in that very same park, Frank felt whole.

He had to make it official, there was no way around it. But making it official meant telling the world, and while Johnny Storm was content to let Frank Castle touch him and kiss him in the privacy of the infamous windowless van, declaring his love for everyone to see and discuss was another thing all together.

"I just don't know if I'm ready," Johnny sighed, reaching up to tenderly wipe the sweat from Frank's brow, blue eyes flickering in the dim overhead light. "I love you, but..."

"But you're ashamed of me. Is that it? Is that what you're trying to say Johnny? That you're ashamed of what we do together?" Frank couldn't hide the hurt in his expression or voice. He turned away from his lover, breathing in dramatically, biting his lip to keep it from quaking. "Are you ashamed of us?"

"No, darling, no," Johnny insisted, caressing Frank's cheek, running his fingers over the familiar perma-stubble, shifting his body beneath the other man's so he could look him in the eye again. "I'm not ashamed of us. I never have been, and I never will be. You're my world. My whole world, Frank."

Frank kept his gaze averted, studying the metal van door as best he could, or making a valiant attempt to appear to be doing such. "Then what is it? Why do we have to keep hiding our love?"

"Because..." Johnny didn't have an answer, though he fumbled for a moment to come up with one. The truth was, he was afraid. Being a notoriously social creature, he craved for acceptance. It was essentially all he lived for. The thought of being cast out, rejected, simply because of who he loved tore him up inside. He couldn't chose between Frank and his social status, he simply couldn't.

"That isn't good enough, Johnny."

Johnny flailed in protest as Frank rolled off of him, pulling on his pants and tossing a dirty rag onto Johnny's belly. The van seemed suddenly cold without Frank so close, and Johnny shivered in compensation instead of raising his temperature as he normally would. He didn't get up either, he just stayed flat of his back in the rear of the van, watching Frank finish dressing, listening to him mutter to himself about being stupid, about never again getting tangled up with some hotshot.

"I told my sister."

Frank nearly jumped a foot in the air, just about hitting his head on the roof of the vehicle, turning to stare the other man in the eyes, searching for a sign that he was lying. Johnny looked strangely honest. Frank raised an eyebrow, still quite uncertain, "Oh yeah? How'd she take that?"

He propped himself up of his elbows, grinning wryly, "Well, she asked me if I'd suffered another head injury, then she screamed at me for twenty minutes." "Success then?"

Johnny snorted softly, sitting up fully this time. "I suppose. If you call Sue barricading herself in her bedroom and telling me I'm a disgrace to the family a success..."

There was a hint of sadness in Johnny's eyes that damn near broke Castle's heart. Made him just want to scoop the kid up and fuck the bejeezus out of him. Heartbreaking expression, really. "Aw, babydoll. I'm real sorry she took it so bad...I never wanted to mess things up with you and Sue."

"It's okay, it's alright," Johnny tugged his teeshirt back over his head, "She wants to meet you. Dinner of Saturday, a double date with Reed." Frank coughed and choked, almost smacking his head again as he did a genuine double-take. "Johnny, I don't know. That seems like it could be a really shitty idea..."

"No worries, darling! It'll be fine. Ben's gonna babysit and everything. It'll be just the four of us at this swanky, really private Italian place. You like Italian, right?"

He had to admit it, he did like Italian food. And he'd do anything to make his man happy. Frank sighed, and smiled broadly, leaning in to plant a firm kiss of Johnny's cheek, imagination running wild about the possibilities for Saturday night. He needed to dress to impress. He'd have to iron his teeshirt! 


End file.
